attitude

I was really frustrated after the class in Los Gatos today. I felt shaky and overcooked and overdone. I was grumpy about failing on the cleans so many times and grumpy about doing 95#, grumpy about how shaky I felt on my back squats, grumpy about everything.

And I realize this is a pattern I can fall into and a pattern I must do my best to avoid. I have a tendency to hold back on things at which I don't excel. I hate cleans. I hate doing them in a WOD when a clock is ticking. I always doubt my ability to move up any weight, and I always feel vindicated when I try and fail. I slump into the mentality of "see, I told you I couldn't do it". And I realize that that sort of thinking is not only ass-backwards, but completely detrimental to my progress. I have to fail TO progress. And I have to remind myself to cut my ego out of it.

So what if I only got 2 rounds on the WOD.

So what if it took me multiple tries to get 3 cleans done.

I have to remember that *I'm* the only one who thinks I'm a jackass when I fail. (Which is maybe one of the greatest things about CrossFit.) While I was dropping the weight today and flailing all over the place, the person next to me (in this case, Matt) wasn't laughing at me, or gloating about "beating" me...he was cheering FOR me and shouting (in the midst of his own WOD) when I got one right.

So maybe that's what I need to work on...Failing TO win and shouting FOR myself instead of AT myself.

I don't know. Food for thought, I guess, but at least I feel a little bit better.